We have all been there. When we thought love was the answer to all our problems. Finding someone to spend forever with was the ultimate goal. It is an idea we grow up with, manifested in us thanks to all the books we read, the movies we watch, the people we talk to. Yes, love is the answer. All you have to do is find someone to love. And all your problems will magically go away. Career, adventure. Its all a distraction from the real thing. When love hits, everything else pales in comparison. It is greater than all of us, stronger than any pain. It lasts longer than any of us can hope to and overcomes every obstacle. So darling, find your soulmate. Isn’t that what you learnt from all the Mills & Boons you read? All the Greek men and the Turks? Sure, you’ll have to go through a few bad eggs. But, eventually, you’ll find The One. And it will all have been worth it. The wait, the disappointments, the pain, the anger, the insecurities, the jealousies. All of it. One big broad stroke of True Love and every bad thing will be erased forever. And so we march on, confident that every thing, every experience will eventually take us to Valhalla. So on we go!
Now stop and think.
Think about what you are expecting from yourself. Think about what you have learned from your life experiences and what the books tell you. You are a sum total of all that you have been through in your life. The good and the bad. If a mythical beast such as the one I described above had to obliterate it all in one giant blow, where would that leave you? Right where you started is where. If it was all just a lead-up to a chance meeting destined to happen, you were essentially hanging around in the fringes of your own life, waiting for the decisive cue so that you may actually begin to live. And now you finally begin living your fantasy life, where problems are a thing of the past and everyday is a magical one spent on the foundation of eternal love. A life all about tingling toes and happy surprises, sweet nothings and silent communication. A life where each day makes the heart fonder and the love stronger. A wholesome, fulfilling life where two happy souls exist only for each other, and the rest of the world is a blur.
Somewhere in England, Jane Austen is turning in her grave.
Love has no expectations to meet. No rules to follow. Love has no business morphing itself in a way you imagined it would be. But if you live your life being fully present every moment, appreciating what you have, accepting of what you do not, you might just notice that you had love in your life all along. You might just notice that all that you read or heard about love from others was way off the mark, because the real thing is, well, real. While people try to make it sound like a branded tuxedo, it is, in fact, a t-shirt. What’s more, you already have the size that fits you. A life led in search of true love does not eventually lead to it. Love is the consequence of living a life showing up for yourself everyday. There is, after all, no greater form of love than self-love. Respect yourself, love yourself and care for yourself. What others see in you is a reflection of how you choose to see yourself in the moment. So do not hang around in the backdrop of your own life, waiting for your cue. Fairy tales exist. And you are already living yours.